The Poddy Jams

Poddy Sports Jam 1! December 2017

The Poddy guys have decided to take up a new topic: sports! In this episode we talk about Houston sports a bit, how being handsome makes QBs better, the USA failure to reach the World Cup and the chicken shit NIT tournament, some monster truck stuff, a special secret sport you should probably get by now, and much more! 

Episode 6! The Lone Ranger (2013)

Welcome to the PODDY MOVIE JAM where we rewrite your favorite movies based on watching the first 30 minutes!

In this episode we dive into the poorly-thought-out Disney rendition of THE LONE RANGER (2013). This movie should not have existed. In the fever madness to reboot anything, we reach back into the GOOD OL DAYS when white men were white and native americans were also white. Based on this, lets just not reboot our favorites from the 50s. Sorry Lassie, Mr. Ed, you're problematic at best. Johnny Depp reprises his famous "Captain Jack" character, a little less androgynous and more racist indian magician. Enjoy!

Episode 5! Magic Mike (2012)

Ohhhhhh boy it's raining men!

Magic Mike (2012) is a movie about male strippers. We talk about how male strippers have pizzazz and choreography in stark contrast to feeemale strip joints which are a dark twisted perversion. Bryce has trouble discerning strippers from just a person dancing in a place. Clark regales us with minutiae about Contemporary American Magick. Spoiler alert, we focus a bit too much on the magic part, and the cross pollination between rabbits/cards, dark magic, and The Force©.

Episode 4! Fantastic Four (2005)

Hello friends! We've done it, we're four whole episodes into this experiment!

In this episode, we start a motif where the episode number is in the movie title, so today's movie is Fantastic Four, the Jessica Alba version from 2005.

You have to specify because like Spiderman and The Hulk, Fantastic Four is continually rebooted to no avail. It's like a bad spot for a restaurant in a strip center that keeps getting replaced under new management only to fold again. Someone tell these assholes it's not a good spot for a restaurant. Similarly, someone tell Hollywood that Fantastic Four is just not a good franchise. 

 

Episode 3! Fast And Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006)

Welcome back to the Poddy Movie Jam! Wow I can't believe we've had 3 episodes!

In this romp, we go to TOKYO because our HOT MOM won't let us DRIVE LIKE ASSHOLES! Joke's on her, because in JAPAN where it costs INFINITY YEN to get a drivers license let alone a tricked out car, it's super easy to get caught up in the DRIFTING SCENE. Like literally they hand you the keys and let you destroy their car and get all pissy that you destroyed their car. RAD. 

Listen as we are collectively disappointed that there's no Paul Walker, no Vin, no no one. Just this dopey asshole here whos AIM name is BAMABOY123. We call him 7-mile, like a cheap Eminem. 

Episode 2! Failure To Launch (2006)

Wow we must be serious we made a second episode!

In this episode we explore the richly praised rom com from 2006: Failure To Launch starring Matthew McConaughey, Sarah Jessica Parker, and a grab bag of "yeah of course" people like Bradley Cooper and Zooey Deschanel and Terry Bradshaw. Also Kathy Bates.

Anyway, SJP plays a prostitute hired by Tripp's (McConaughey) parents to bang him out of the house. Spoiler alert everyone grows up a bit and learns the value of fa- just kidding it's a random sequence of disconnected scenes that approximate a "plot". Watch Tripp and his bros do hot yoga together! There's a paintball scene? He sells boats, so there's a sale scene and a monologue about sails vs motors in the most ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT fashion. EEEYUF U WAWNA GO FAYAST EEYUU GOWTA GIIT THE MOTURRRR ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT *everyone creams*

Episode 1! Soldier (1998)

Introducing our first episode of the Poddy Movie Jam!

In this episode we explore the entirely-forgettable sci-fi action thriller Soldier starring Kurt Russell, Jason Scott Lee, Jason Isaacs, Gary Busey, and Rob Schneider. JK there's no Rob, might as well have been though. In this movie, Kurt sets the record for salary-per-spoken-word as a lab grown super soldier born in 1996 who is very good at walking in plain sight and spraying a machine gun. Enjoy as we wonder "hey why did they totally handwave over achieving interstellar travel in his lifetime?" or realize that Kurt plays a virgin.